toujoursfluer | Appointments Post

[She smiles faintly]

It's been a while since I've heard yoi.

[She regards his question, knowing he is going somewhere with it]

Of course. If I had to.

[He tightens his grip on the mug. Carefully so it'd be impossible to break, but still, quite tight.]

Well, I can't.

I want to. I don't care that that makes me a coward. Ace... Ace is always so mad at me for that. [His shoulders tremble a little and he gulps.] It's not even that I want to be a hero, or that I want to find myself in a position where that would happen. I don't. But still...

[He downs the tea in one gulp and blinks away tears. Fuck. A fist goes to his eyes. Like hell he's gonna cry over something this stupid.]

This is all I can do. I can't die for them. All I can do is live for them. However much it hurts, however much it pains me to see them hurt. However much just living hurts.

["Life is pain, Princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." Marco really loves the Princess Bride for the quotes.]

I'm not leaving. [His voice gets less shaky, slowly firmer and more determined as he goes.] I don't want to go home, and nothing and no one can make me. Nothing cures death, but he's alive here. And even if they send him home, I'll do everything to find a way to bring him back.

I'm not asking you to stay. You belong with your nakama, and if you want to go home and they make that a possibility, I want you to be happy, but my nakama is here. I'd die for Ace, but I can't. It just... [He grinds his teeth and and fuck it, he's crying.] It doesn't work that way.

[She watches him a moment and then crosses the room to shift her hands through his hair and pull him close to rest against her collarbone. She'll embrace him with other arms, too, resting her head on top of his and closing her eyes.

He must have been lonely for a very long time. He loves Ace so very much. Even more than the rest of his nakama, it seems somehow. But he is the one that got away. The one they couldn't save and dead is dead.

She wishes he had never come here to see Ace alive. She wishes Marco had never met him again. The fact that he is her captain's beloved brother is immaterial--Luffy knows when to let go. How to let go. When to hold on. But this is like a dream. In the end it will be nothing but air. It's not even life. Just existence. Clinging hope but no forward movement. Not really.]

Then stay, love. [she curls a hand over his ear] Hold on as hard as you can to this [man] life that you love so much.

[but not even you can hold on forever and when you leave you won't remember it. Ace will be dead again. But perhaps he will find another life. Perhaps he will find something or someone to hold onto in that great wide sea]

I will.

[Marco just leans into the hug, no longer crying, but still worked up and holding her close.]

Even if it wasn't Ace here... There's Sabo. And Xion and...

[He grits his teeth, his jaw setting stubbornly and scruff rubbing lightly against Robin's pale skin.] Afterlife should be hell for pirates right? Only the world government are worse than this. A lot worse. And me... what if... what if there is no afterlife? What if there is and I can't go? And even if there is... how far away is it?

I'm so tired Robin.

Everywhere I turn there's another enemy. A nakama in danger. And islands I have to cut out of my heart because there's nothing I can do. There is something I can do here. [He clenches a fist, and ahhh another tear, no okay, he can handle this, though he mostly just leans to her embrace more, grateful for all the extra arms. It's like wings, only better because they're hands and soothing as hell.] Anyone who honestly thinks the Malnosso are worse than Kaidou, worse than Blackbeard, worse than Akainu, or the government, or any of them, just hasn't met them.

I'm not... I'm not running away forever. I promise. I will go home eventually and I'll do everything I can to survive and help my family survive and I'll do whatever I can to meet you and find a way to work up the courage to romance you all over again.

But just for now, as long as I possibly can... I don't want to leave. I want to be happy here. I am happy here... isn't that... isn't that okay? [He really shakes at that on the verge of crying again and the saddest part is that he seems to genuinely be asking her the question.]

[The Malnosso are worse. With the others, there is the freedom to fight, to run, to die. Here it is just waiting for the next torment, and although Marco has made her happy she has already seen her own nakama splinter too much to believe that.

But Marco will die one day. This she knows. The sea will claim him without regard to his stature, or the marines will. Not even a phoenix can fight seastone. Death is inevitable. Life is hard. And without a captain....

If they had lost Luffy....

She holds him a little tighter, another hand lifting to stroke the smooth skin at the back of his head. There is so much to run from and this is a good place to hide for him because he can endure anything for the sake of his nakama. His friends here. Another chance and no islands lost. No more friends lost.]

We're from two different worlds and sometimes I can't understand you, did you know? But I think I do now. At least a little. It's okay to be happy here. It's okay to take any happiness you can wherever you go. And I know that when you return [because he will. she knows he will one day of his own free will. When he feels ready. When he feels he can] that you will bring something together.

...But no. That's wrong...

Because you're not alone. Your nakama and you will, ne? Together. Perhaps you'll even help us build a better world. [she kisses the top of his head. Reassurance and faith are the only things she can think to give him]

Thank you, yoi.

Sometimes I think... maybe only phoenixes can get it. That's why...

This world gave me a lot more than I could have ever gotten otherwise. I wouldn't trade a single family member for anything, but there is a lot they can't understand either.

Back home...

Pops would want me to be happy. All of us. Ace too...

But I can't. Not because I'm stuck in the past, or scared of the future, but I can't be free. I'm trapped in trying to do things I can't, trying to be more than I am, trying to keep my family safe, cornered by enemies with everything important right behind me. I'll take all the damage. Everything. But it hurts. Losing them, not being able to stop it. I can't be everywhere, I can't protect my treasure.... ahhh... [He runs his hands down her shoulders just marveling in the simple beauty of the extra arms. He really loves her devil fruit. Like a safety net, flowers, and she can be in multiple places at once, watch over her nakama a bunch at once.]

I don't want to talk about this anymore. It sounds like I'm feeling sorry myself and I don't. I love my family. I'm honored, lucky to have so many and be the one they depend on, eh? But... [He takes a deep breath, breathing in her scent deeply and reassuring himself.] To love someone that much... I'd die for them, and this is a place I can still do something. Just by being here.

[He looks up into her eyes and gently places a kiss on her lips.] Even Ace isn't that happy here, but at least I can keep trying to make it easier on him, eh?

[And for all the Malnosso tortured people, experimented on them and left them to die only to force them to live again.... so far as Marco was concerned, it was still less than what the World Government, Vegapunk, Doflamingo, and so many others did. The Malnosso tortured for knowledge, the world government and pirates did it to break people.]

[She listens and continues to stroke his hair, the back of his head, a hand moving in small warm circles against his back. She wishes she had the words that would make it all better but there is nothing that she can think of to say for him. So she holds on instead, smiling faintly as his hands run over her arms. It's strange sometimes that he's not at all bothered. He never has been...]

You're so strong it tires me, sometimes. [But she speaks lightly, warmly, because it's not a bad thing at all. She rubs her cheek against his hair] To bear so much all the time... it makes me want to be strong, too.

[When he kisses her, she takes his cheeks in two hands and kisses him back lightly and then a little deeper]

Let's read a book in bed, ne? [To take his mind off it. To give him something new to focus on.] I'll read you the Cast of Amontillado and we can talk about it. Would you like that?

[He grins lightly when she jokes about him being strong. Is he really that strong? But if Robin says so, it must be true. He grins even more about the book and nods, finally feeling better already and swishes his tail back and forth.]

I'd love to.

[Gives her another kiss full of affection and snuggles close. If he's strong then that means he can protect her. And beyond everything else that's a really good thing.]

[That tail. She lifts it in her hands and presses a kiss against it before taking both his hands and leading him to the bed where she'll guide him to sit down with a kiss to the forehead and the tip of his nose]

Take off your shoes, ne? And I'll make a blanket fort.

[She goes to the door but doesn't leave, instead, after a while, pillows and an extra blanket come marching in on little Robin feet to pile around Marco's ankles]

Would you like something more to drink or eat before we begin?

[He shivers happily in delight before giving a small chirping laugh and taking off the sandals. FEET! He tries to bend over quickly to catch one of Robin's and tickle it, but alas too late, so he just helps with the pillow fort instead.]

Nah, I'm good. Would you like some coffee though?

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