toujoursfluer | Appointments Post

[A loaded question...especially since the way he's standing, the way he's watching, seems to mean he's looking for something in her answer. Is it concern for her? Or something she's not aware of? It's not so surprising she doesn't know. Sanji's as secretive in his own way as she is.]

As happy as I can be here. [Because things are never quite that easy are they? She absently tucks the feather away in her pocket and rests her chin on interlaced fingers. She hesitates a moment before asking:]

Is something on your mind?

[Heh, and he receives a loaded answer in return. Sanji smiles fondly anyway. All his internal debating aside, there is something reassuring about hearing Robin speak of her own happiness so honestly.]

I'm glad to hear it.

--Even if there's no way in hell that guy will ever be good enough for our Robin-chan!

[Aaah, there it is. Sorry Robin, just had to get that out of the way.]

[But no worries, he's simmering down again, flattening those ruffled feathers, looking uncertain as he considers how to answer her. He drums his fingers against the counter. Thanks to his prying, Sanji knows he won't be satisfied until he gives Robin something of equal value in return.

He should thank her, really; their conversation months ago still weighs in his heart as a reminder to try harder with this sort of thing, no matter the level of discomfort. It isn't fair to cut his nakama off from his thoughts and feelings.

The question is, what should he say?]

You could say that... [Abruptly, he ceases his finger drumming. The coffee's finished]

I just wondered how it was for other people here... caring about someone like that. [Knowing how brief their happiness might be; having experienced that joy and hurt for himself more than once in this place; wondering if he should try and save someone else's heart this time.]

[Something is weighing on his mind then. Concerning himself, perhaps? It's hard to guess others motivations about anything. Well--easy to guess, difficult to be certain. But she can't help but wonder who his concern is directed toward. Has someone captured his heart? Unless it is Nami (or Vivi, she ammends) they are certainly not good enough for him.

But if it is the case, then that presents a problem. He cares for people differently than she does. Deeper. Or--no perhaps closer. Harder for him to let go? She's not sure the definition but in either case, she thinks about her answer carefully]

It is what it is. Hard and helpless. At any moment Marcchan could be taken or changed or sent home. But it isn't so different back home, ne? The world tears us apart [though Kuma seems so long ago and almost immaterial now] sometimes we come back together and sometimes we can't.

But I suppose that's why we live as happy as we can together in the interim.

[It isn't a concept he's unfamiliar with - living life to the fullest is the sailor's way, after all, when the next day something as simple as a hurricane can snatch everything you've ever loved right out of your hands.

And yet still, he can't shake off the heavy nature of his thoughts: What should you do? Or more importantly, what does he want to do?

He gets so lost in his head that he stops speaking all-together for the moment, going through the motions of making Robin her coffee while he revisits her words.]

[She's not sure what to think about his silence. It seems unusual and she wonders if somehow in trying to make things better, she's made them worse. It wouldn't be the first time unfortunately.]

I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear... [and she is sincere about this. She wishes she could tell him otherwise. Or perhaps say something else more inspiring. But there was nothing she could think of. She can't even say the good outweighs the bad because there seems so much of it.]

[That snaps him out of his reverie. Sanji nearly whips a glop of condensed milk on his suit turning around.]

N-no, Robin-chan! It's not like that! [And then he sighs, shakes his head, looking appropriately guilty] You didn't say anything wrong.

Maaah, I'm just really out of it today.

[Though she doesn't want to be right about this. He does seem out of it. And he has been for a little while at least, from what little she has seen. Somehow she rarely seems to catch him in a peaceful mood. She nods though at the statement]

These kinds of decisions can be difficult.

[Though it wasn't really that difficult in her case. It had been just for fun at first and then...somehow...things had changed. But he is not like her. She has nothing to say that would...would help... and maybe there is nothing... She blossoms a hand from the counter and squeezes his arm, briefly, warmly, wishing there was something she could do so he could at least be happy without suffering so much in the fallout]

[The hand is a surprise, especially from this nakama, but a welcome one. Sanji pauses long enough to give Robin a heartfelt smile.]

Don't worry, I'm alright. [He isn't unhappy; just thoughtful.] It's not even that shitty complicated, either. I just...

[He trails off a little as uncertainty derails his tongue, and stares up at the ceiling. Oddly enough, he isn't that reluctant to share what's on his mind. It's a matter of finding the right words for it.]

... Heh. I've been here too long. All I keep thinking is how hard it is, and how I don't wanna hurt her.

[Oh so there is a her. Robin wants to know who it is. Who it could be. But resists plying him with questions, at least for the moment. At the same time she feels a faint twinge of something like unease but brushes it aside. It's merely the change. Change is always difficult but this is nothing.]

Well I think hurting her is inevitable. [Though she says this warmly and with a faint smile] But as I said...it's the happy times.

[She hesitates a moment, then pushes forward]

Those times where everything else fades away and the world narrows to just two people. Where everything is warm and safe....

[She can't go on. She looks away, somewhat embarrassed by the depth of what she feels, even if it is true.]

If you can live for those times than little else will matter...

[And really, in a place such as this, those times were their greatest strength]

[Inevitable...

Right as she is, Sanji still bows his head. Acceptance of that has always been a hard pill for him to swallow, it's so against his nature. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, least of all someone he might actually...

But then, that's the double-edged sword of love, isn't it? If he can't handle it, maybe there's his answer.

He's about ready to turn around and finish off her drink when Robin continues, and so he stills. And it's like watching someone pull back a heavy curtain, however briefly, and showing you something quiet and brilliant that you've always known to be true but have rarely seen. He stares wide-eyed even while she turns away, a little awed in her presence]

Robin-chan...

Edited 2013-01-14 02:48 (UTC)

... Y'know, I never thought I'd be having a conversation like this with anyone. [Not since Ginko, anyway. There's a smile in his voice.] I'm so used to thinking everything through by myself, it's like I forget what talking out-loud feels like.

[It might seem like an abrupt departure from their current discussion, but Sanji's glad to voice his thoughts this time.]

Thank you; I'll make sure to keep your words in mind.

[... Heh. And maybe he shouldn't give Marco such a hard time, after all. Damn bastard.]

I've been...growing accustomed to them. [Especially with Marco. Sometimes it seems all their conversations come back around to that. Being together. Being apart. Living for the one beautiful moment however long it lasts.

And maybe...some things are worth saying. No matter how hard it is to say them.]

So who is she, Sanji-kun? Anyone I know?

[and now to squeeze the cook dry]

Edited 2013-01-14 03:03 (UTC)

[He knew it was coming.

He still blushes like he's suddenly been struck naked.]

It's-- Well, to be honest, I think she likes me and--

It's Perona.

[... OH LOOK HOW INTERESTING THIS THAI COFFEE IS.]

Oh ho, now that is a surprise. If I had known you liked them dark, I would have worn a different dress.

[But she is teasing him which is completely evident, even if she is surprised. But then again, Sanji's specific taste other than someone being a woman of a certain age range, has been difficult to pin down]

May I ask how it happened? And when?

[Oh, look how interesting this cook is now. Can you feel her eyes on your back? Hmm?]

Edited 2013-01-14 16:56 (UTC)

[Still blushing, but said right on a dime:]

Robin-chan holds the keys to my heart not matter what outfit she wears~!! [If there was ever any concern Sanji wouldn't still be as Sanji after fancying a particular lady, dispel it now. Pirate chefs can't be tamed.]

... And, uh... it was before Christmas. I dropped by to give her her gift and she... really liked it.

[Wow he is really having this discussion with Robin, yep he is. If his ears get any hotter, it'll set his hair on fire]

Of course, then she got upset after she kissed me, so I guess that wasn't the best idea. [He sighs, and scratches the back of his head]

Edited 2013-01-15 16:10 (UTC)

I see.

[Admittedly not...quite what she'd been expecting and she's unsure of what to make of it. Granted, not all courtships begin the same. But then this isn't...quite a courtship is it? She's not sure what it is but--

she can't help but feel mildly annoyed that Perona would act that way if she were the one who had kissed him first. And of course Sanji would be the one to take the blame because he is--frankly--an idiot about women. But a charming idiot.

She doesn't know Perona well, though. So she's willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. But if the girl is just planning to mess with Sanji's emotions, it will be hard put to Robin not to mess with her spine.]

Have you seen her since then?

[all the mild curiosity]

No, not yet... [Robin's drink done at last, Sanji gives the contexts a swirl before topping it off with a little bit of milk for presentation, and sets it in front of her. If he got it right, it will taste of coffee, but with some extra subtle sweetness and cream thrown in.]

I was thinking I better go see if she's okay, but I don't know if she'd want to talk. [He pulls out a cigarette from his shirt pocket, and leans against the table while rolling it between his fingers, staring a little forlornly at the end.]

She hid away from me once when something shitty worse happened; I don't think she's used to having friends. [All the more reason to march over, he wonders? Damn, isn't that the question.]

[It looks gorgeous of course and she gives him a small grateful smile and takes a sip as she thinks. It's just as good as it looks and curiously sweet with something else, but nothing she can quite put into words. A mystery drink. Her smile widens at that thought.]

Wonderful. Thank you, Sanji-kun.

[Though as for the rest of the story, it seems more complex than she'd originally thought. So it wasn't some kind of burgeoning romance but some...uncertainty? She isn't sure about Perona or her personality, though it is hard not to have friends granted and given what little she knows from her this seems to be the case. But she is more concerned for Sanji. Taking on too much. Sacrificing too much. Blaming himself if things go wrong]

I couldn't say. [Comforting is not exactly her area of specialty and she doesn't know what will work. She regards Sanji for a moment. There is something that she can do for him. Or thinks she can. But she's not sure if she should as it might cause more harm than good. On the other hand--she can only do and say what she can do and say and she feels this is important]

Ne... I need you to do something for me. [She holds up a cautionary hand before he can promise with hearts in his eyes] and I can't say that it will be easy in any way.

[Oh fine then. Since she silently commanded it, he won't heart at her, though that trail-off leaves the chef feeling a tad apprehensive. He sticks the cigarette into his mouth without lighting it for now, and after a brief moment of hesitation nods his consent.]

Whatever it is, I can at least promise to try. [As he can't think of her asking for anything outside his limits.]

[It very well may be, so she is hesitant to even ask. She must, she knows this, but the wording has to be just so. She is silent for a moment, formulating it in her mind before finally looking at him. Meeting his eyes.

And still finds it...difficult to speak.

Because important things are always the hardest to say]

You are...one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. [She has not met many, granted, but it seems to her to be true.]

You fight for others almost as well as you reach out to them...

[She smiles a little here. It's equal really, but a little tease, however subtle, makes it easier for her]

But promise me you won't forget to look after yourself. Perona may need friends [Zoro may need to be killed] but Sanji-kun has a heart as well that deserves to be cared for...

[This is not quite working out. She wants to say not to go overboard. But how can she stop him from doing something he feels he must with his ful will? She wants to tell him not to lose his heart, but perhaps no one can fully help that.]

So please... be careful. And...let us help you if you need it.

[Because deep down, Robin knows that if is heart was broken, she would still not be permitted to go after them and crush them into fragments beneath her fingers]

[... He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't... this: her warm praise, or her caution. Sanji sits there with dumbfoundedness written all across his expression, at a loss for words. His mouth hangs slightly before flapping in an ill attempt at speech, but then he closes it before uttering anything.

Be careful. The two words loop into each other, over and over, until they almost lose their meaning in the process. He isn't sure what to do with them. Of course he'll be careful, is what he wants to say, with his usual, zestful reassurances -- because he wants to please her just like always, to bow to her whims and wishes, and calm any reservations Robin might have.

That's... that's being careful. It isn't as if he's spent the last few weeks thinking mostly about what he should do for Perona's sake, how he doesn't want to hurt her, already willing to put his own matters aside if it will save someone he cherishes.

...

It will take time before he rouses himself from his frozen state, but when he does, he meets Robin's plea with another quiet nod.]

I will, I promise. [Eventually, he chances a smile: one of his more reserved ones] If anything happens, Robin-chan will be the first to know.

[He let her in on his thoughts and conflicts, so he'll let her have a hand in guiding him all the way through, no matter the direction it ends up going]

[It's good to see that smile and it cheers her considerably. Of course it doesn't mean that there aren't rough seas ahead. Even aside from what may happen, Luceti itself is rarely calm. But at least he acknowledges that he is not alone in them. And, perhaps the greatest gift, allowing her to be there.

Though his words make her chuckle]

Oh, Sanji. I'm always the first to know. [A sly expression. Could she be lying? It's possible. But she knows you'll believe her anyway because you are charmingly predictable]

But I would appreciate hearing it from you, too. [and then she sits back and sips the coffee.

Delicious]

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