toujoursfluer | Appointments Post

[There is a Marco at her window. She expected as much. Though what she expects to happen, she can't be sure. Except that she knows that she has to be strong. He is pulled by the weight of those he cares about and she knows how heavy it must be with Ace.

She opens the window with hands blossomed from the frame as usual but barely looks up from where she is sitting at her desk and reading]

Feel free to use the blankets if you need to get warm...

[He shakes off the snow once inside, and puffs up like a giant fluffy turkey with his feathers sticking out at first. With that he switches into human form and shuts the window before sneaking up behind her to give her a hug.]

And if I prefer to use your warmth instead?

[She stiffens. He's cold. He brought it with him and is now hugging her and she knows she should find it playful but now it just seems somewhat obnoxious]

Warm up first. You're cold.

[and no one asked you to bring the cold in, she wants to say, but bites her tongue.]

Have my coffee it that will help.

[He pouts but grabs a blanket and grabs a cup of coffee.]

Thank you.

[Quietly sips, thinking to himself. He wants to ask how she's doing, but he's fairly certain he's got a good idea of it already.]

[He closes his eyes, trying to think of what to tell her. How to cheer her up. Ways to make her smile again. He promised to give her reasons to smile, come hell or high water, and Luffy going home was both. But she and the crew didn't necessary see that as a bad thing, did they? He sighs softly again and grabs a careful perch on the corner of her bed. Despite being human and sitting cross-legged, he's every bit the picture of a bird standing on a perch trying to look pretty for his master.]

[He tilts his head, watching her read a little and sips the coffee a little more before returning it to its original station.]

[He starts to ask if the book is good, would she like him to wait until it's finished? He came to tell her he loves her. To give her reasons to smile. Would that just stress her out more? He switches back to phoenix and carefully leaves the blanket over his shoulders and lays down at the foot of her bed like a watchdog.]

[How could he be in such a good mood and find a way to share it? He was definitely over thinking it now, and a little voice of Ace sat in a corner of his brain slamming his head into a wall exasperated with Marco chickening out again. Like he always did almost every time things could get remotely emotional.]

It's good coffee, eh.

[The peasant is restless. Robin can't help but get distracted by how much he moves. He wants her attention. Is reluctant to ask for it.]

It's decent.

[but this is not being strong for him. This is just-- avoiding. Bit by bit. One thing at a time. Hands sprout from the bed and stroke his head, down his feathery back, and sneaking under the blanket to briefly tickle the sensitive Luceti wings]

You seem cheerful.

Edited 2012-12-21 06:49 (UTC)

[He has to resist a slight jump at the sensation but he rolls over along the bed, hops off and walks over next to her to give her leg an affectionate nudge with his head.]

I am.

Sanji trusted me with his restaurant. [Puff his chest up in pride!] And Ch-- My floor had a cookoff tonight so we made lots of food to feed Ace and Ilyana and Leanne. [Nods.] I brought you some! [Surprise cookie! It's good, shh. And shaped like a little purple flower.]

[He switches back into human form, carefully puts the blanket around her shoulders and gives her a much warmer hug this time.]

Robin, your support group isn't just so I can lean on you, eh? You have to lean on me too, love.

Edited 2012-12-21 07:01 (UTC)

[His walking birdie form, trailing the blanket is too cute and she can't help but be completely distracted as he bumps her leg, speaking of Sanji's restaurant and cooking and Chun Li though she's grateful that he tried to cover it. It sounded fun. It sounded warm and exciting. Living versus dying. She's envious but also knows that it's...not really something she can have right now. Not things being as they are. There is not much to celebrate. Granted they are all happy that Luffy is home--and that he should stay there--but there is still an undercurrent of...a kind of longing?

She sighs as the blanket and then Marco is warm around her shoulders. She hadn't meant to be so obvious. Still she looks away]

You have enough weight, ne? And I'm glad Luffy has gone home. He is where he should be. We are fine.

[Just a little smaller. More stretched. Like anything could cut them apart]

Edited 2012-12-21 07:25 (UTC)

[He frowns slightly, kisses her cheek and tightens his hug gently.]

You are the second person this week to suggest that I have too much weight on my shoulders to look after people outside of my immediate family.

Tell me Robin, do you think I'm that frail? Or that I would be in a good mood and come here for the express purpose of letting you lean on me if I couldn't handle it?

[He switches back to phoenix again, and rests his head on the top of hers. Easier to have an excuse to breathe in her scent and simply feel calm.] My greatest strength is protecting my family. Just as that is what made my father the strongest man in the world. He extended that protection to millions, and people seem to think I can't handle more than two or three? I must be more guarded than I realized. Or look much weaker than I am.

Robin, if I was on my deathbed, sick and had only one last breath in me, I'd still want you to always know that you can always lean on me. Hell, the minute you do, I'll probably just burst back into life knowing that someone needs me, trusts me, and that I can even help them, however minimally. Understood?

I'm only this happy because I have you, but I can't be happy knowing that I only receive but can't give you anything back.

[In this case she wonders if she has anything to give to him. She does trust him. She knows he can take care of many but he had others to help him, too. Not all the lives rested on his shoulders, but on other captains, division commanders, Whitebeard himself. Though he was strong to take care of more than one or two people, she knew. And being able to take care of so many was a sign of personal pride but...]

It makes you seem lonely when you say it like that. Even if you can carry all that, you shouldn't have to alone. [she smiles faintly] But I suppose you're not. You have your apartment friends, ne? And Firefist-san. [Who was the most important. Still nakama. Still needing him. Still very much attached.]

It sounds lonelier when you say it like that.

[Nudges and gives her a birdie kiss.] I have you Robin.

I don't carry anyone alone unless I wish to, and even then, only until they're ready to be with others, or just for fun.

[He pauses and thinks it over. Was he he lonely? Surrounded by all those friends and nakama, but alone? Sometimes. But not like when he'd been actually alone. It was a different kind of lonely. The knowledge that someday some things would fade but Marco wouldn't, and he'd have to keep strong to hold everyone together and watch over them. A kind of aloofness sometimes to protect himself, sometimes out of habit. But his father had spotted those times, and reached out to him. And he reached out to Ace, just like that. And Thatch... Thatch always saw through him and reached out in subtle ways until he was ready.]

Are you lonely?

[It was a quiet question. All his thoughts tumbled around kept resulting in the same thing. Didn't Robin understand? She was one of the few people he was willing to let get it, and she was one of the few smartest enough to get it with what little clues he'd given away. But for all that, he was sure she understood it, because she was much the same way a little. Which meant if Marco was lonely...]

[With Sanji on a mission, Nami still depressed, Zoro quiet and training, and the others... Marco wanted to kick a few of them. It wasn't his crew. It wasn't his place. It was a clear line he wouldn't over step even with his allies, but this wasn't how a healthy crew acted. Was this the state of the crew that would change the world? That would conquer the New World?]

I am a little lonely Robin. [His mouth is dry with that confession. Truth is always so much more difficult than others seem to realize for him.] I am happy, and I am nowhere near under too much pressure, but... [He rests his head back on hers.] Perhaps I am insatiable. I am not so lonely as I once was, and I enjoy living each moment, but I'll always want more. I'm comfortable with that however. And as I said, I am really happy. It's a comfortable weight. For now.

[NUDGES AGAIN.] You. Are you lonely? If I kidnap you how long would I have to live? If I sing you a phoenix courting song will you understand my joy? Or marry me?

[She listens. Not wanting to voice her own truth. Especially since it feels like a personal failing. Like she shouldn't be. Was this how strong they really were? Was the crew of the future pirate king broken so easily? She's surprised at his confession. That he is lonely. He is a phoenix... She's not sure what it means except that it will be a very long time until he dies. If he does. Or will he be reborn? Or be exectued which would almost be compassion after so many many years of living-- she supposes. She's not sure.

How different they are, really. She had lived so long convinced that death was just around the next corner but maybe he had a greater fear. Or maybe that was why he lived each day to its fullest because there were so many and so few.

But how can she ease it? She listens to his words, not sure if he's being poetic or serious. She can't give that much of herself to him. There doesn't seem enough to her as is.]

I am. I am lonely, sometimes. But I can't leave here. [She reaches back and strokes his head.] I'm not sure if I understand that kind of joy but I would enjoy the song.

[she won't answer the last one. She isn't sure if he is serious and she doesn't want to say anything to hurt him since even she isn't sure about that]

Here as in Luceti, or here as in your loneliness? So long as you are in Luceti, I'll do my best to make it a little more enjoyable, eh? And we can be less alone together.

[He chuckles softly, he hadn't expected her to take him up on the offer. And he's not warmed up... which means the song Robin gets, might not necessarily bet the kind she was expecting.]

[Are you ready to rock Robin? Rock to A song for Robin? No? TOO BAD. THAT IS WHAT YOU GET.]

[He even hops down, after leaning briefly into a few pets, and dances about like a bird.]

Every little swallow, every chickadee
Every little bird in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl, the big black crow
Flapping them wings sayin' go bird go

Rockin' robin (tweet tweet tweet)
Rockin' robin (tweet tweet tweet)
Oh rockin' robin well you really gonna rock tonight

A wordy little raven at the bird's first dance
Taught him how to do the bop and it was grand
He started goin' steady and bless my soul
He out popped the buzzard and the oriole

[Whistles a catcall at her at the end. Of course.]

[What...was she even listening to? She doesn't understand the sudden shift in mood. The song is upbeat and a little ridiculous not that she minds but she doesn't get it. Was none of that completely serious? Is he just trying to cheer her up? He's cute no doubt but... She just doesn't get it. She glances at him and then looks away.]

Sometimes I don't like you as a bird.

[he's too hard to understand and she wonders if he becomes a bird like that on purpose]

I have to stay in this house [She adds this even though it may be a bit beside the point now] For the others. [if they come. When they come. It's not a loneliness that can be cured even by Marco. Just nakama. All of her nakama. Surrounding her. Existing. Not here, though. There. Where she's meant to be.]

[He frowns. Well that fell very flat indeed. He switches back to human and sits on the edge of her bed, looking serious.]

Sorry. I chickened out.

I seem to do that a lot lately.

[He leans his head on a hand and just watches her a little sadly.] For how long? [Shakes his head.] I won't kidnap you, but I can't like seeing you trapped in a loneliness.

[Marco gets up and looks away, pacing about the room, counting the steps, the stacks of books, each individual volume, just counting. It helps.]

[But as he tries to bring up the loneliness... that she helps him and yet... he can't help her? He can't even cheer him up with spontaneous ridiculousness. Was he trying too hard? She cheered him up so effortlessly. Just by being there. By being willing to sit and talk or listen to him ramble. Why couldn't he do the same? He takes a deep breath.]

I love you. I can't stay here forever, but there's a story, eh? Of a man who was stuck under cherry trees. He was too sick to move, so if he left he would have died. But birds brought him fruit and water and nuts and fish and slowly he started to heal, to get better, and to be healthier once again.

You're always going to miss Luffy, and if he was here, you'd want him home. But whether you are stuck healing or not, I can still bring you treats and keep you company for a little while eh?

[His shoulders slumped. For the first time in months, truly showing the weight of the world on them. It wasn't that it was too much. Like he realized when talking to Rei, if the people he wanted to rely on him didn't believe in him, then Marco had trouble telling them they were wrong. He could defiantly yell it, but the cracks in his confidence, the doubts in his capabilities still showed.]

Or is that not enough?

[Of course it wasn't. They weren't nakama. Who was he even trying to be? His father? Since when had Marco become that strong? Since when did he have the stature to fill those shoes to follow in those footprints? Who was he trying to kid? Lying could only take you so far. Eventually you had to have the cards to back up the bluffs.]

[But if she believed in him... he'd never let her down. Never ever. He'd die first--]

[Wast that true? Hadn't he meant to protect Ace's dream? But he had. He protected Ace's freedom, and his dream, just not his life. Because otherwise Ace would have burnt out, worse than death. Surely he could do this. He was Marco, he didn't have to be anyone else, just himself.]

[It's a time for chickening out. She has been, too. Trapped in lonliness? That stings. Trapped? No. She's never been trapped anywhere. Not for long. Or--only once. She's been trapped only once but her nakama got her free again. It's not enough that he brings her things. Small comforts. It helps. But it's only a bandage. The wound is still there. The cage is still there.

But he's right. She will miss Luffy. It's too much to mourn him either way he goes. It's too much to sit watching while everyone struggles and fails. But-- Luceti is only a temporary state. Either she will return home or they will destroy it so everyone will. And if her nakama must mourn in their own way, they will, but at the end of the day they are still nakama.]

Enough is just a measurement. [She moves over to him and lifts his chin]

You are not my commander. You are not my captain. But you are my Marco and that is all I want.

[She leans down and presses a brief kiss to his forehead]

[He nearly flinches at the words, but he's taken by surprise by the kiss to his forehead. Particularly its location. He wants to grab her wrist and playfully wrestle her to the bed to explain just what being her Marco meant, but he remembers another promise, with a small sigh.]

[He reaches up for her hand, and gently laces her fingers with his own and bring them down to his mouth to gently kiss her knuckles. His blue eyes blaze with a fiery intensity however.]

Robin, you are more brilliant than I could ever hope to be. It reminds me of my Pops, whom I could never best at chess. I have never thought of leading you.

But you should realize, you really are one of my best friends. I rarely respect a lot of people in my life, in several decades, it's been less than ten, but I truly respect you. [Grins and leans up closer to her, dropping his voice a little, seductively keeping his voice deep and quiet.] Admire you.

[He slides the hand holding her hand up her arm just a little.] And I'm not going to stop giving it my all to give you more reasons to smile. Not unless you order me to. [His devious grin broadens, like he knows something she doesn't yet.] So I guess you save us both a lot of time and ridiculousness and start smiling, aye? Unless you want to see what insanity I'll try in the attempt. [He leans up even closer as if to kiss her, but abrupt falls back on the bed, looking at the ceiling with an evil grin, and an ankle hooked around her legs so she couldn't escape.]

See, I want everything. But I need you. And I'm quite happy with that.

[she does smile a little at that. It's hard not to. She likes this side of Marco, too. Maybe best. The blazing intensity. The self confidence.]

Maybe I'll make you try it just to see what you can do [She flips her hair over her shoulder and sits on his legs, regarding him for a long moment. She admires him, too. How much he can carry. How well he works in Luceti, despite everything]

Then you stop hiding in bird form when things get serious. [She lightly flicks him on the stomach] I don't want that. I don't need that. I need you.

[she places her hand flat against his stomach]

Just as you are.

[He's about to rest his arms behind his head, but being called so easily on that...]

[He chuckles softly and leans a hand up to her cheek, gently brushing it.]

Deal.

It's a hard habit to break. Mah... I never talked this much back home. You can thank Ace and yourself... and a few others for that I suppose. [He moves the hand to gently tickle under her chin.] I don't promise perfection, it's a work in progress, but I'll keep trying. However many little steps it takes.

[His eyes glow affectionately, purely enjoying the moment, living in every feeling of it.]

And if I slip up, you have permission to slap me out of it. It's how my brothers usually have to get me to talk. Or pin me down and try to out stubborn me.

[He watches her for a bit, eyes still glowing intently, and a sneaky grin.] I want to be with you. I think it's addicting. Just being in your presence I feel more alive. I just wish I knew better how to share that back, eh?

You ever smoke? It's like breathing in the taste of that, just the calming high, eh? Mah... or perhaps it's different for phoenixes. Fire and all.

If my devil fruit ever gives me an alternate life, I think I want to spend it by your side. Driving you crazy every second of every day until you're sick of me, even then, the minute you realized you liked having me around, I'd come back and never leave again.

You don't have to talk. [It's just the brushing away of things. Trying to hide it. She wonders if he ever lets himself feel things or if he's too busy being strong for everyone else.

She listens to his words, slightly bemused. It's all too much. She can't even tell if he's completely serious or not. It sounds like some kind of poetic saga-- the promise the god-hero makes to his lady before he goes off and gets killed horribly but nobly.]

What kind of alternative life would you have? [She lays on top of him and braces her chin on her hands as she looks into his eyes] What would your ideal life be?

[It's a strange thought actually. He lightly brushes her hair with a hand, more for the sake of motion and contact than anything else. Finally he just grins.]

I can't imagine being anything other than a pirate, but it'd be fun to be an accountant, eh. Or like one of those gangsters who kept hanging out in the city area. I could unify all my favorites and take over the underground. Maybe overthrow Joker and get rid of slavery. I guess no matter what I'd do I'd wind up collecting lost boys, eh? I wonder if it's in my blood.

How about you? Would you always want to keep doing this? Trying to find the truth of the world?

[The touch is gentle. Warm. And even though she's being petted in a way, it doesn't feel like that. She relaxes a little, watching Marco's face, thinking of an answer even as she muses on how strange it is that his ideal life matches so closely the one he has. The perks of being a pirate. She makes a humming noise and absently reaches up to play with a strand of his hair.]

When I was little, I used to think that my ideal life would be to have a happy family. Then to have a crew.

[The one that Saul had promised. As well as trust. Safety. The ability to sleep through the night and know she would still be with those people the next day. The ability to search for the poneglyph free of fear. To understand the whole world no matter what they tried to hide]

But now, I have all that I ever wanted. [Though by now, she means in the real world. The real life. Not this half nightmare place where everyone is being pulled apart]

[He grins softly at that.]

It makes sense, eh? That was my father's dream. And Ace's really. Seems my favorite people had the same goal for an ideal life.

I guess I...

[He frowns. Things he can't have, can't do, and he doesn't want to say. He shakes his head and grins again.] Mah, it's foolish, eh? I do like my life. Wouldn't change it for anything. Well, except for the Blackbeard thing.

[He's pulling away from it. She has the feeling that there is something he doesn't want to say for whatever reason but--she won't drag it out. If he tells her, he will. Still...]

It's not foolish.

[she leans down and kisses him lightly, then a little deeper]

You're an idiot but you can never be foolish, Marcchan.

Or perhaps I am always foolish, but rarely an idiot.

[But he's quite put at ease from the kisses and leans up to gently nuzzle their noses together.]

I cannot imagine a normal life, I wouldn't know what that's like, eh? I don't think I had enough normal people around to observe, perhaps. But family, that I get.

[Small sigh and he closes his eyes again. He'd offer her his family, so she would never have to be alone again, just like Pops, and Ace, but she has her own family and he doesn't want to steal her from that.] I still wouldn't mind an alternate life though, eh? Something with different worries. [Flops on his back on the bed to look at the ceiling. How can he worry about the islands and how he can't protect them at a time like this? He wishes he was stronger, but what does that mean? More loving like his father? More ferocious? Braver like Ace? He's not sure anymore.]

You know I could never beat my old man at chess? He's a genius at it, eh. He was a battle genius in general. One of the two smartest people I've ever met.

[Big shoes to fill, but Whitebeard would just tell Marco to go his own way. And Marco didn't wear shoes, they would fall while flying anyway.]

Edited 2012-12-28 10:35 (UTC)

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