toujoursfluer | Log [Action/Video]

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Log [Action/Video]

[She wakes up in the middle of the forest. It is hard to tell what time of day it is but things seem to be more alive. Everything is moving. It is then she realizes she is somewhat...changed.]

[Well then, this is interesting. She tries to speak, but only comes out with a faint meow. How frustrating. Finding her journal she flips it open with a swipe of a paw, and sees that the writing function has been disabled. Of course it has. But you may, if you are fortunate, see a black cat staring down at you until she flips the book back shut, picks it up in her mouth and trots villagward.]

[Feel free to meet her any where, including journal pings. Replies will come from

toujourschatte]

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[Poor Sanji. To hear that tone from him is more than a little unusual and frightening in a way. This place changes her nakama so much. His fingers are warmer, more deft. Being a cat is certainly a study in fingertips. She rubs her head against his hand, marking him instincitively with the side of her mouth. Then to answer his question of how she got in...

Robin moves back and sits on her haunches, then she crosses her forepaws over her chest and soft black paws blossom from the ground to wrap around Sanji's ankle]

[... Oh.

When a cat sprouts paws from the ground, the first reaction should be akin to shock, or at least a moment of confusion. Sanji supposes that's what's happening right now. But he doesn't indicate much save for knitted brows aimed at his captured foot. It's Robin. She's back, and safe, save for a few shitty modifications - courtesy of the Malnosso, naturally. Regardless, this warrants a welcome back, something to show that he's happy to see her.

It's so hard, though. The realization that this cat is his nakama only carries with it a wave of exhaustion, deeper than before, and his smile, though honest and real, is a pale imitation of what he'd usually conjure up for her]

Robin-chan, then. And might I say you make as beautiful a feline as you do a lady. [he pulls his hand back; it doesn't feel right to treat her like an actual cat now]

[She almost wishes she hadn't revealed herself. Since the moment he pulls away there is a distance, and he seems, if anything, more weary than before. She lays her ears back. This place. This place. It feels like everything is being pulled tight. Unraveling.

She jumps lightly onto the counter, tail thumping slightly revealing her aggravation. It takes her a moment until she can ferry paper and ink to herself in a flurry of blossoming cat paws though when she finally has it, she's not sure what to write. Finally she scribbles down]

It is only temporary and as changes go it's insignificant.

[He's been around Pumpkin enough to know flattened ears are rarely a good sign, and if he had the energy he'd duck his head in shame. The reason for her displeasure is evident - this is what he gets for not acting like he should.

So he tries harder. Smiles more broadly. Old habits die hard, even in his moments of grief; it won't do to worry her now that she's returned to them.]

Tch, at least they picked a dignified animal. [He can't imagine his dear Robin-chan as a dog] But enough of that! Are you hungry at all? [He straightens again, dusts his knees and glances at the dinner he'd been preparing] Not sure how that well that shit would sit in a cat's stomach, but I can prepare some fish if you'd prefer!

[Concentrate on taking care of her - on his crew. He can do this. It's what he's been doing for his entire life in Luceti, after all.]

[No. That wasn't what she-- She wants to comfort but only succeeds in doing the opposite. Perhaps there is no comfort to be had. Or perhaps she is simply incapable. But letting him know she feels this way will only make it worse. It's frustrating and she tries not to let it show but her tail is lashing with unconscious emotion]

Anything will be fine. I haven't eaten in a while.

[Though she almost resents the thought of fish. It is no fault of his, of course. But that she be so relegated to being a cat and it doesn't even help.]

So Luffy didn't try to feed you then; thank the gods for small, shitty favors. [His lack of energy notwithstanding, there is a moment of real, wry amusement - maybe one of the few instances of fresh air this conversation will see, as once he catches sight of that lashing tail...]

Are you-- [He pauses, needing a moment to clear his thoughts and work his mouth around the words he wants to say] Are you okay, Robin-chan?

[She does know better after all. She cocks her head at his question, wondering-- and then realizes her tail. She stills it irritably but it starts thumping again. Well it can't be helped, she supposes. Instead she writes]

Are you?

[He almost tenses - walked straight into that one, didn't he? And his only options are to either toss a blatant, insulting lie in her face, or own up to a truth he's kept at arm's length for days.

These choices suck]

Would you believe me if I said yes? [Sanji cheats a little, using a sheepish smile and a volleyed question to ease himself into this.

It's not his crewmate's fault; he's just had little practice being on the receiving end of comfort. He hardly knows what to do with it]

[She stares at him a moment and then glances away. She could press but that would be unfair. She imagines that even if Sanji did tell her no, it would only be that much harder for him.]

We don't have to discuss it if you would rather not.

[And that wasn't the reaction he wanted, either. His shoulders slump further.

Damn, they're just hit and miss all over.

Though it occurs to him now that this might not be a conversation he can waltz out of regardless. He has no idea when Robin got back, or how much she knows. She's a smart woman, no mistaking that, but her feline form might've been keeping her occupied for a time.]

... Have you-- [He halts abruptly, and steels himself] Have you heard about Zoro yet?

[She doesn't like Sanji's posture but she accepts it as the inevitable consequence. Whether or not it will help she can't be sure.]

As far as I understand it, he became a zombie and was killed.

[And Nami is broken. Because of it? Because of a combination? Who knew. And Vivi as well seems to carry some sort of burden. How irritating and ironic that the one who seemed un-killable would be taken out]

[He shouldn't be surprised how frankly she states these things, be it through writing or speech]

... Aa. And do you know who killed him?

[She freezes. Stares at him. Everything clicks into place. She'd suspected but-- but it is the only thing that makes sense. Rage boils through her, a rage she hasn't felt for a long time. She can feel her ears flatten against her skull, her tail bristle as it fills her, consumes her. She has the presence of mind to shakily write]

Not you. Them

[and then she stalks along the counter, tail lashing. How dare they make this happen? To set nakama against each other when it was already so hard here. To set her nakama. To make them like this-- so broken--

She wants to destroy something.

But there is nothing to destroy. Nothing to do except to watch everyone become shattered.

Damnit.

Damnit]

[She realizes she's growling low in her throat and stops the noise from carrying since it is late but her claws rake once across the counter top. It doesn't help]

[He's only seen her angry once, twice before, and even in this new form it's a sight to see. Being already frozen in place, there's nothing left to do but hold his tongue and watch her boil over in rage, able to express what Sanji cannot.

No, it wasn't them - he killed Zoro of his own volition. No one made him. He could've held back, tried to incapacitate the swordsman instead... there were still options, in hindsight, neglected paths he could've walked down.

Instead he chose the safest. The one he knew would keep the girls safe for a little while longer. The one Zoro requested. For that reason, he refuses to feel regret.

Only guilt.]

Robin-chan... [His hand twitches at his side, followed swiftly by his shifting stance. He isn't sure what to say to her.]

[No. There is nothing he can say. There is nothing to say. This is just Luceti. This is always just Luceti. This place. It is all inveitable, isn't it?

She knows this isn't what Marco wants her to feel.

Even Luffy. At least they were all together, right?

But being together hurt.

And sometimes she wondered if, here at least, it would be better to be apart. They would be stronger if they didn't hurt one another. Especially if there was no way to fix it.

How easy it would be to just be shut away...]

[But if you want to sail in the New World you can't expect easy.

And being a Mugiwara isn't about being easy.

And she has come too far to let the Malnosso so easily destroy her. Destroy them. She's more collected but still bristling as she writes then fixes Sanji with a steady gaze as she pushes the paper over]

It's no matter. Life and death make no difference here. We could all kill one another and it wouldn't be real.

Only home is real. Only home matters.

[Only home is real.

His sad expression - it cracks down the middle, and any color still left drains from his cheeks. He's staring at her, horrified.

Only home is real.

It's a sentiment he's heard before, and one he used to hold a long time ago. That nothing mattered here. The only goal was to get home.

Well, he's been home before, and guess what? Luceti pulled him back twice - like a dream that wouldn't let go. It remained. It existed.]

Robin-- [He can't force the -chan out. It catches in his throat and he grits his teeth, head bowed and hair covering his expression. He can feel his grip on his emotions slacken] No, I can't--

Did you know? I've got a daughter here. [Another crack] And I had to help kill her once. [crack] But she doesn't have a home to go back to like us. [Luceti is the only thing that's real for her now. And everyone else who can't leave. For him to treat this place like it's a mere inconvenience...]

[He drops to the floor, hunched over on his arms]

Please understand... I can't treat this place like that anymore.

[Every death counts. Every death hurts. To treat it as otherwise is like denying his love for Xion.

He can't do it anymore]

[She watches his expression break open, piece by piece, the carefully constructed shell shattering as his words are-- angry? Desperate? Despairing? She can't tell.

Luceti is breaking him.

And she's heard these words before. Ace. Sabo. Both are dead. Both only exist here.

Maybe she can't get it. Maybe she can't understand it. All she can do is watch him fall further and further apart until he is just on the floor.

He will be as empty as Nami one day. She can see it. She can feel it. There will be nothing left in him. This is what Luceti does. She looks away and closes her eyes.

But when is at home, he will forget. When he is home they will all be nakama and this torture will have never existed. And maybe some things were worth forgetting after all.

As for Sanji, she has nothing to say. Nothing to help. And maybe--

obviously--

she can't even do that much.

She hovers a paw to apologize but then stops.

It doesn't matter. It won't make a difference and...and perhaps she has done enough.

She turns off the stove for him with a blossomed paw so that nothing will burn and then leaves as quietly as she can.

Though really, there is nowhere to go]

Edited 2012-11-17 02:14 (UTC)

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