[He turns the held up hand as a sign for her to halt.]
I am not asking you to trust me or Spock as nakama. I promise. [It wasn't that they weren't trusted as nakama that bothered him. It was that she felt this world and their own were too apart to be reconciled together. But how to explain that?] Nor did I speak on your state of mind or business to him, except in that I wanted to cheer you up.
[The hand goes to pinch between his eyes. He still reflexively wants to protect and defend Spock, to explain that emotions are tricky, humans are tricky, and they definitely messed up being time there.] The wording was... awful. But you already know he had good intentions at heart.
[Marco makes a frustrated growl and gets back up to his feet, pacing the room in long quick strides with his hands in his pockets.]
Here or our world, you don't seem to realize Robin, it doesn't matter! [He stops, but he keeps his hands in his pockets as a means of holding himself more in check. Like a bird with clipped wings.] If your crew cannot handle this place, I guarantee you'll not last in the New World. And if I can't find my place with your crew, with this shift of time and eras, twilight or not, then I can't do it in our world. That is not about your crew, that is about me, learning how to do this, and I'm frustrated, because I'm not learning.
Che... [He grabs a seat on a barrel on the other side of the room, practically perching like a bird and leans his back against the wall.] Aye, I do want one more day. And it'll never be enough. I'll always want another and another after that. But you, Nami, Ace, you all don't seem to realize that there is an immense freedom in the extra chances of this place. If you screw up here, what have you got to lose? It isn't permanent. You can make mistakes, take risks here without losing everything for it. [He rests his head against the wall, looking away from her.] Perhaps Ace was always so reckless he couldn't see it.
No. [He looks back at her seriously, his arms folded across his chest now.] By all means, handle your crew as you see fit.
[He voice softens considerably, dropping in volume as well, though still quite audible and he unwinds his arms.] I pushed you because I have to push myself that hard, but that is just-- [Stupid, unwise, hurtful, wrong.] [He tilts his head to the side like a bird and does his best impression of Spock.] Illogical.
[He closes his eyes, gets off the barrel, sits down on the floor in the corner of the room and tugs his legs to his chest.]
[He was so scared of losing her, like he lost so many others, that the more he clung on, the more his general stupidity pushed her away. It was hard not to be angry with himself.]
[Angry with everything.]
[Angry with those who hurt her. Zompano, the Malnosso, time. And he was angry with himself for not being able to protect her better. Even when he tried to cheer her up, it backfired massively and just exposed her.]
[He wanted her to trust him to always protect her, to always have her best at heart, but how could she when he didn't earn it? When even small tests failed.]
[And right when he was most worried about her feeling lonely, she had to go to the forest literally alone.]
[Somehow he messed up worse with her than even Ace.]
[How to prove then that the Straw Hats were strong enough to survive worse than Luceti when they only seemed to take serious blows?]
I think... [His voice is quiet and shaky and he's a little glad that the barrel obscures him a bit.] No crew is only as strong as their captain. [He hadn't wanted to cry this badly in quite a long time.] That's what -- when you said about Spock -- [Too shaky. He focuses on breathing, on regaining calm.] I have to carry on my crew... alone. Maybe we won't add anyone. Maybe we will. I'm not saying you ever should. [He gulps unsteadily and draws even more closed in to his corner.] But.... [A deep breath and his voice is rock steady and commander strong.] Your captain trusts you all to protect each other and hold on. Just as mine did me. And I will not let you falter in that, Robin. None of you. I wish I could allow it, but I can't. [He leans his head on the side wall again, voice going quiet and unsteady.] Too much is riding on it.
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I am not asking you to trust me or Spock as nakama. I promise. [It wasn't that they weren't trusted as nakama that bothered him. It was that she felt this world and their own were too apart to be reconciled together. But how to explain that?] Nor did I speak on your state of mind or business to him, except in that I wanted to cheer you up.
[The hand goes to pinch between his eyes. He still reflexively wants to protect and defend Spock, to explain that emotions are tricky, humans are tricky, and they definitely messed up being time there.] The wording was... awful. But you already know he had good intentions at heart.
[Marco makes a frustrated growl and gets back up to his feet, pacing the room in long quick strides with his hands in his pockets.]
Here or our world, you don't seem to realize Robin, it doesn't matter! [He stops, but he keeps his hands in his pockets as a means of holding himself more in check. Like a bird with clipped wings.] If your crew cannot handle this place, I guarantee you'll not last in the New World. And if I can't find my place with your crew, with this shift of time and eras, twilight or not, then I can't do it in our world. That is not about your crew, that is about me, learning how to do this, and I'm frustrated, because I'm not learning.
Che... [He grabs a seat on a barrel on the other side of the room, practically perching like a bird and leans his back against the wall.] Aye, I do want one more day. And it'll never be enough. I'll always want another and another after that. But you, Nami, Ace, you all don't seem to realize that there is an immense freedom in the extra chances of this place. If you screw up here, what have you got to lose? It isn't permanent. You can make mistakes, take risks here without losing everything for it. [He rests his head against the wall, looking away from her.] Perhaps Ace was always so reckless he couldn't see it.
No. [He looks back at her seriously, his arms folded across his chest now.] By all means, handle your crew as you see fit.
[He voice softens considerably, dropping in volume as well, though still quite audible and he unwinds his arms.] I pushed you because I have to push myself that hard, but that is just-- [Stupid, unwise, hurtful, wrong.] [He tilts his head to the side like a bird and does his best impression of Spock.] Illogical.
[He closes his eyes, gets off the barrel, sits down on the floor in the corner of the room and tugs his legs to his chest.]
[He was so scared of losing her, like he lost so many others, that the more he clung on, the more his general stupidity pushed her away. It was hard not to be angry with himself.]
[Angry with everything.]
[Angry with those who hurt her. Zompano, the Malnosso, time. And he was angry with himself for not being able to protect her better. Even when he tried to cheer her up, it backfired massively and just exposed her.]
[He wanted her to trust him to always protect her, to always have her best at heart, but how could she when he didn't earn it? When even small tests failed.]
[And right when he was most worried about her feeling lonely, she had to go to the forest literally alone.]
[Somehow he messed up worse with her than even Ace.]
[How to prove then that the Straw Hats were strong enough to survive worse than Luceti when they only seemed to take serious blows?]
I think... [His voice is quiet and shaky and he's a little glad that the barrel obscures him a bit.] No crew is only as strong as their captain. [He hadn't wanted to cry this badly in quite a long time.] That's what -- when you said about Spock -- [Too shaky. He focuses on breathing, on regaining calm.] I have to carry on my crew... alone. Maybe we won't add anyone. Maybe we will. I'm not saying you ever should. [He gulps unsteadily and draws even more closed in to his corner.] But.... [A deep breath and his voice is rock steady and commander strong.] Your captain trusts you all to protect each other and hold on. Just as mine did me. And I will not let you falter in that, Robin. None of you. I wish I could allow it, but I can't. [He leans his head on the side wall again, voice going quiet and unsteady.] Too much is riding on it.